I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
