I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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