THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I came so hard my ears popped.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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