And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
