my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
