there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
