worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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