He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
