Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
what is it with giant penises always finding me
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
