now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
