tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
