you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
