Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
