i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
My penis needs a shock collar
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize
