I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
We need to rekindle our bromance
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
