my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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