now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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