Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
