At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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