In the future we'll all be gay
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
well you can't waste a boner
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Randomize
