Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
