that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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