I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
