Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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