well I can't set my house on fire every night
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
