Betty ford says i'm here all night
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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