I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
