Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
