Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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