Pants 0. Shit 1.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
