What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
