just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
last night I used snow as a chaser
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
