Banned from zoo.
Again?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
