I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
