Yo dont text me then not text me
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
