Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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