When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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