The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
