My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
