How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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