Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
