you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
