Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
