I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
