Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
