My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
