also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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