oh god the rape fog is back!
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
