YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
