This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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