I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
