Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
